im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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