Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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