$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
