One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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