Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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