no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
MIDGETS
????
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Come on in and take your pants off
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