She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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