I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
