i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
