no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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