We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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