I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
