I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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