so that wasnt chicken after all
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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