I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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