I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
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I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
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The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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