So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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