Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
