I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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