Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
