just come out here and I will go home with you...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
