that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she pinky promised me she was 18
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Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
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420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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