He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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