i think my mom watched the whole time
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
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