Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
