chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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