Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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