NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
