And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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