this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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