Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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