this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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