Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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