i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
