a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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