capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
