Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So many bounce houses so little time
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
