would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
