I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
