Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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