just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
