im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
