I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My penis needs a shock collar
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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