Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
