Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
