The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize