i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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