Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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