i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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