you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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