I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I need a burrito and a hug.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
