I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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