thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
