I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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