Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
