Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
