My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
