i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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