We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Is it penis luge time yet?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
