Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
