I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
