My room smells like vodka and shame
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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