you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
