The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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