HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
