I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
pray to the hookup gods
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
