A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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