who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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