i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
