So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
