My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
