I could make wine with my vomit
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
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You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
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Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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