Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
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He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize