Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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