need another drink. this is the easiest way
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just want nice things and good sex
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
