I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
