So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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