in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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