I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Is it penis luge time yet?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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