i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
