The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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