Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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