You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
