Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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